A Brave Soul-Searching Quest for Authenticity and Love

What does authenticity feel like? Does it feel comfortable? Does it feel easy? Does it feel light?

In our lives there are ebbs and flows, and that can make our authentic self feel like it's slipping — or even plummeting — away. We can become wrapped up in processing, and then managing the needs of the world around us. When you feel rewarded and validated in some moments, then judged or criticized in others, your actions and perceptions of yourself vacillate wildly.

We're all different, and finding your place in the safe existence of the middle of the bell curve can feel unnatural or conformist. Depending on the moment and where you stand on your thoughts, comments, abilities, desires, and actions — these harden your past and line your future with a defining reality.

You have a gut response, then process (and sometimes not!), then act. Where do you stand? How do you manage your existence? How does someone manage your existence with you? How are you impacted?

Your authentic self will naturally resonate with some and rub others the wrong way. Based on how we receive and perceive these interactions, we can be buoyed or sent into a spiral.

If you're good in school, do what you're told, are good at your job — the world around you can be warm and rewarding. But what if those things don't happen? Well, sadly, you're cast as a disappointment and left in a persistent battle to find, understand, and be your authentic self.

How do we exist in a world where there are compromises and standards? We are not only measured by ourselves, we are measured by others.

As I internalize a lifetime of feedback, I have to reconcile the idea of being a disappointment to others — one that materialized into seeing that version not only in the mirror, but feeling it in my soul. Now, there have been many goods and greats throughout my life, but in trying to see and fight the version of myself that existed simply trying to minimize the negative, I lost sight of my ability to drive and impact the positive. To lose sight of my personal authenticity and love.

The square peg doesn't fit in the round hole.

I have recently looked deeply into my authentic self, and in large part that's tied to the idea of truly loving myself.

So what do you do? How can we be authentic? How can we love ourselves?

What are the foundational traits that make you feel authentic? How do you see yourself and the world? What are the ways you feel you continually miss the mark with others? Are you missing that mark based on perspectives or standards? Are there root instances in your past and present that make you question things? What are the areas where you're consumed by self-loathing and disappointment?

"The Universe Rewards Bravery" adorns the wall at a friend's house. A path mired in complacency — carved by others — lacks an open and honest approach to your existence.

You can identify the foundational traits that make you who you are by doing a tactical and emotional assessment. It enables you to understand how you see and exist in the world the way you want — authentically.

Again, the square peg doesn't fit in the round hole, but for the first time I’m seeing and sensing a new narrative. I’m ready to be brave, attack my existence, effectively compromise, in order to finally and joyfully live up to my expectations. 

Stop trying to force the peg. Authenticity and loving yourself allow you to be fluid, to exist and fill the holes in circumstances where you're acting as your true self. You're not questioning your existence. It allows you to recognize yourself as the unique individual you are. It allows you to happily compromise instead of conform. It allows you to meet your own standards and others' — not with doubt and anxiety, but with bravery.

Now sometimes in our lives we have to adhere to the Buddhist teaching, “chop wood, carry water.” We don’t live in caves, praying and pondering all day. We have existences that need to be maintained for ourselves, our families, employers, friends and communities. Take advantage of these activities as they are an important part of life, and can be very grounding. 

But now, your renewed self-love and understanding of your authentic self will replenish your soul. Plus, you'll also be grateful to the person in the mirror.

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Something surface that you want to explore more deeply? Reach out.
Enjoy this accompanying Journaling Exercise.
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