Why does it feel like no one understands me?
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How many languages are there in the world today?
A few hundred? One thousand? According to Ethnologue, there are over 7,000 languages, and there are well over a billion people who speak English.
Now, disappointingly, I only speak one language, but with over an eighth of the global population speaking English, I’ve been able to get away with communicating with people all over the world.
There were moments of blissful simplicity when I felt like that was enough. I had casually bucketed communicating and understanding. Unfortunately, bucketing them often left me perplexed and frustrated.
If communicating in ‘my’ English was the end-all, I would have no misunderstandings. No questions around interpretation, emotions, personality differences, and intent. I would simply understand everyone, and everyone would understand me.
Today, there are more than eight billion people in the world, and if you’re one of those people who, from time to time, doesn’t understand or is misunderstood, you’re realizing that means there are over eight billion languages and counting.
Your idiolect accounts for your personality, emotions, life experiences, specific vocabulary, grammar, pronunciation, and even how you assign meaning to words. Like your fingerprint, your way of communicating and understanding is all yours.
It all seems so simple. I speak a language. You speak the same language. What is the breakdown?
I had misinterpreted what I heard, internalized, and how I responded. My communications and expectations of how I was received were being misrepresented. My entire life, I had (and still do) been communicating, but I was taking for granted that those around me were understanding.
Even when I want to, it’s hard. I get caught in my own feelings, my own needs, unconsciously and consciously; my history has molded my communication and understanding. I can be rooted in my own language and perception. We all are.
Have you ever had a close relationship where the person didn’t seem to understand you? It usually wasn’t for a lack of communication. There are nuances to who you are. Your innate and learned behaviors. Your perception versus others' perspectives.
Having people understand you, and for you to understand people, is liberating. But getting to that comfort zone is not a given. It requires work. You must work on your own mind and body to allow yourself and your language to be open and interpreted. You have to be willing to allow yourself to see others’ perspectives and communicate your perceptions in a manner that is detailed and with context.
Being happy, sad, angry, good, bad, fine, upset, okay, tired, and stressed isn’t good enough. Being broad communicates, but doesn’t convey. We don’t want to, or think to elaborate, and that leads to a further lack of understanding from the person you are communicating with. It doesn’t provide depth. It doesn’t take into consideration who you are and what you’ve experienced.
You can work on your relationships and understanding. You must have the intent to want to understand and be understood. You need to explore and probe to move past the surface. Your relationship and understanding of yourself are vital. You can determine if you have patterns that are keeping you from understanding or being understood by yourself or by others.
Does that mean it will come easily? Nope. But being more fluent with yourself and your relationships gives you a greater foundation to ease your frustration. You might not always like it, but at least you’ll understand it.
Start your next phase in language lessons today!
Peace be the journey.
Pete