Pain, What Is It Good For? Reflection, Say It Again.

It’s the holidays, the end of the year, and a natural time to reflect on your entire life. 

Do you feel like you’re getting a little older, and some of those ‘bounce-back-ailments’ are leaving you frustratingly in pain and deflated? Yes? I do. But why? 

As I said, we're getting older. But imagine if it wasn’t that simple (it never is). Let’s take a trip in our conscious and unconscious time machine. 

Remember when you were growing up, you received pearls of emotional wisdom and strength, like “I’m rubber, you’re glue…” and “sticks and stones…”? Were those not the warm embrace you needed at the time, or ever?

I didn’t think so, but we learned what we learned. 

Upon reflection, how did these life lessons impact me?  I’ve known for quite some time now that I can be a bit spongy, a bit empathic, a bit of a holder-on. I’ve also known that in some form we all are. 

However, it took me 40-plus years to reconcile that the names I’ve been called, or the way I’ve been treated at times, not only hurt emotionally, but the energy sits in my body, often my lower back. It can feel like I’ve been hit with a hammer.  Like, drastically impacts my sleep, I walk gingerly, can’t put my socks on, you get the gist…

We’re all aware of the arguments, bullying, and verbal assaults that smack us in the face, or in my case, my back. They’re often, slights, barbs, quips, or those constant stings from people that are supposed to care for us. Maybe it hurts more because we care about them, and yes, they too care about us. It’s hard to process the emotional see-saw. But, too often we ‘take it,’ brush it aside and just deal. Or so we’d like to believe. 

But what if you’re the rubber and the glue? 

At the moment, it didn’t seem that impactful. You dwell on the comments for a little, but ultimately you move on with your life. Then it happens again (and sometimes again, and again). It generally bounces off your conscience, but that sticky unconscious holds onto it. 

Then, years later, you’re frustrated over a situation, or something that is said to you, and usually by those closest to you, a friend or relative who just can’t understand why you’re not closer. As I’ve reflected, this has happened to me recently and historically, too often. All those emotions and energy get built up, and without thinking, boom, my back is out.

What feels like an innocuous moment, all of a sudden is debilitating, and / or materializes into chronic pain. Despite medical attention, and a host of efforts, it just won’t seem to go away.  

The body and mind are an integrated system. When we think about happy memories we feel warm, often in our heart or chest. At the same time, if you had to speak in front of 1,000 people you might feel nervous, or sick in your gut or throat.  

If these moments elicit feelings in your body, then all of those verbal sticks and stones play their role in how your body responds.  

Even under the most obvious of physical injuries and subsequent natural pain that theoretically have nothing to do with emotional struggles, your emotions can and often do exacerbate your physical symptoms.  
Frustratingly, we can spiral. “How do I feel? How should I think I should feel? What does this mean now? Is this my brain protecting me? What does this mean for tomorrow or the rest of my life? Oh no, I’m getting old!” 

Well, there’s that hammer breaking open your unconscious. All the injuries, or pain and those little quips, from others or self-inflicted, and the treasure trove of names that didn’t hurt you, tell a different story. 

Prepare yourself.  While you may be rubber, you’re also glue. 

First, it is important and worth noting, that while our emotions can transfer into pain, you should seek counsel from a licensed medical professional to address the physical. 

Then there is addressing the emotional aspect. Living with pain is terrible. Like walking away from a fight, you can protect yourself, release the energy that is ailing you, and learn tactics to actually apply the sticks and stones logic. 

Stop for a second, and imagine living with less pain. 

Feels better, right?   

This time of year (and always), not just having to imagine is a gift that keeps on giving.